The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.
I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your candy while you were in the bathroom.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it's like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal.
Decades have gone by and STILL my parents have not given back the Halloween candy they took from me "for safe keeping".
I thought about dressing up as Turn Signal for Halloween, but nobody around here knows what that is............
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
For Halloween I'm going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
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