I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.
I spent all day at work staring at my phone. Now it's time for me to go home and stare my phone. But with the TV on.
If you breakdance you buy dance.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
I drink 8 glasses of water a day, but only after they've been heated, filtered through a Keurig pod full of grounds & poured into a mug.
The only good thing about people who wear too much cologne is that they're easier to set on fire.
"You're still a rockstar" I whisper to myself as I take my multivitamin and get in bed at 9:45.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don't have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
French toast is regular toast that surrendered.
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