Ever notice how it's never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
The streets aren't for everybody, that's why they made sidewalks.
Sometimes I mix the chicken & shrimp seasoning in ramen noodles & pretend I'm eating some hybrid mythical creature. Helps me forget I'm poor.
Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon.
Guys who carry their wives purses just want to be closer to their balls.
Tetris taught me that trying to fit in will make you disappear.
Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne's father shouldn't have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Thanksgiving Status Updates- Funny
Thanksgiving is the time of year when we all gather together and give thanks that we don't have to be around this bunch of assholes but once a year.
So Thanksgiving is about being grateful, well I'm grateful for you bastards liking my posts. Does that count?
Isn't it ironic that a turkey goes gobble gobble, and on Thanksgiving that's what we do to them?
I'm kind of shocked turkeys live as long as they do with those pop-up timers lodged in their chests.
Turkey Stuffing? Ain’t nobody got thyme for that!
Some of us live thousands of miles away from our families and don’t get to be with them during the Holidays. Jealous?
Having a small, quiet family dinner for Thanksgiving. Small, quiet families are easier to eat than large loud ones.
Who wants to put on a bear costume and tear apart the tents of people camping outside a Best Buy for Black Friday?
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