Ever notice how it's never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
The streets aren't for everybody, that's why they made sidewalks.
Sometimes I mix the chicken & shrimp seasoning in ramen noodles & pretend I'm eating some hybrid mythical creature. Helps me forget I'm poor.
Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon.
Guys who carry their wives purses just want to be closer to their balls.
Tetris taught me that trying to fit in will make you disappear.
Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne's father shouldn't have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
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